So sad...

Thursday seems like a million years ago.

Thursday I started spotting. Bright pink; I told myself it was probably nothing. However late in the afternoon there were ultrasounds. The final one was unlike any ultrasound I've ever had. The tech was silent, we did not exchanged looks or words. Just this poor girl clicking away at the screen, unable to tell me the bad news . Finally after what seemed like an eternity I said through tears-'if this wasn't awful there would be a different tone in the air...right'? She squeezed my arm & told me she was sorry. Sigh. It was so awful. I just wanted it all to be over with. I wanted to know why. I'm in my 2nd trimester, I've had three healthy babies, I've never been healthier than I am now, the odds of this happening statistically are so slim. Finally the Dr. came in & gave me my two options. I was too far along for this to complete itself naturally; so they could start an IV that would 'complete the process' or have a D&C in the morning. That was it, I was excused. I called Rob, my mom & sister; calmed down enough to drive & started for home. Thursday night I started bleeding & almost lost my composure. I didn't want to go through this here at home and have to complete it the next day with surgery. The night finally turned into morning & with heavy hearts Rob & I walked in to ambulatory surgery Friday morning. My friend Margie works at the hospital and was with us most of the day, it was just the distraction both of us needed. Next week I go back in & at that time we will know what went wrong.

Now we just have to decide when/what we are going to tell the kids.

I know that thoughts & prayers have been sent our way...thank you.

Izik

Izik... 1996-2009

When Rob & I moved up to Seattle we brought Izik home when he was just a super fluffy kitten. He was such a good cat, always keeping my feet warm in bed & would follow Rob around-more like a dog than a cat; he also kept Rob's lap warm most of his kitty life. He moved around with us several times over the years & within the recent months started losing weight at a drastic pace. We know it's good that he's gone, he was so sick at the very end. Sam is thankful that he can finally be with Ewok-his best kitty friend who died right before the move to Maryville two years ago.

Sick boys & my duck!!!

Poor Sam & Noah Baker, they were so sick over this last weekend...Noah until just a day or so ago. The tummy bug is YUCKY!

Noah said that the frog that was in his ear (from his recent ear infection) had jumped out of his ear and into to his tummy & booty... :) Madeline with a GIANT icicle! We hope the last one of the season...


My duck! It finally arrived! Sam has been telling me all about a special duck he was making in art class. I've been waiting & waiting...it's finally here!

sun & music

Miss Madeline enjoying a leisurely day at the park...Sam playing the Bongo at Grandma & Grandpa's church last Sunday. It was 'Beach Sunday'-thus the swim trunks @ church! He's really got rhythm! Madeline really wants to take piano lessons...she's trying her luck on the keyboard for now.

Noah Baker enjoying the park-he is so excited that he's almost THREE! He has big plans for a dinosaur birthday and birthday cake!

Pinky

In the tune of 'Blackbird' by the Beatles...

Madeline strumming on her guitar, " I have a brother...whose name is Pinkyyyyyyy. Yes his name is P.I.N.K.Y. Yes I tell you his name is Pinky....I have a brother, he is annoying and his name is Pinky because he likes Pink things...."

*******Cut to Sam, "MADELINE! STOP........Calling.........me..........PINKY!"******

Madeline, " I have a brother...whose name is Pinkyyyyyyy. Yes his name is P.I.N.K.Y. Yes I tell you his name is Pinky....I have a brother, he is annoying and his name is Pinky because he likes Pink things...."

Gotta love little sisters!

socks

Just an ordinary February day with Batman, Wolverine & Captain America 'Girl'.

Sam helped Rob paint the 'carpet-room hutch'...same color as the fireplace wall-it looks great!

As I was taking this picture of Madeline the phone rang; caller ID informed us it was Kawasaki. I told Noah he could answer the phone since it's Kawasaki. Noah said, "it's Daddy?! He's done making Madeline's socks?!" I said, "Madeline's socks? What do you mean?" Noah: "Daddy is making SOCKS at Kawasaki! is he done? Is Daddy done making socks?!" So I answer the phone in an uproar & let Rob know that Noah is certain he makes socks at Kawasaki all day. :)

I don't remember what they were looking at. I just know it looked sweet. Sam is so tall & Noah will be a big brother by the end of this Summer. Hard to believe.

7 going on crazy?

So Sam brought home a few pictures the other day from two of his classmates. This one is of Sam being shot...on the back is a gravestone with his name on it. The blob is evidently Sam with guts squishing out. I asked Sam what he thought of it & he said the illustrations were pretty good, but he could probably do better. Sigh. So of course we talked about how this wasn't appropriate & what 'Zero Tolerance' means. That it's okay for him to continue to draw Iron Man fighting whomever or monsters with guts...but he certainly cannot draw pictures like these.

This one is from another classmate; this one more obvious with the gravestone & on the back of this paper was a picture of a building on fire. It isn't every day I see a picture with a -read this and you will die substance-I asked Sam what does all this mean? "Oh, "Tom" drew a picture of our school on fire after he killed me." Again, I asked what he thought it all meant & he said, "Well, I think "Tom's" illustration of the flower is a nice touch." So I asked the obvious; but what do you think this gravestone means? Sam looked at me with almost a "poor naive mom" look, Uhm-he shot me with his gun, killed me, buried me and then set the school on fire." Again...SIGH. He thinks it's funny & doesn't feel threatened; but I don't like it and it's freaking this mom out...even if only a tiny bit. Sam and I talked about why this probably isn't appropriate in schl & how it makes adults uncomfortable. So I calmly called the school & told them of my concern...she seemed a little puzzled as well as to why two separate children are drawing pictures of Sam dead with personalized gravestones ....AND that one has the school burning down. Hmmmm. Boys will be boys right? Boys talk about death and killing and guns-right? Do they? I don't know. Mine mostly talks about Superman, Iron Man, Alien invasions, creating potions and notions as a mad scientist someday. Occasionally there is a bloody vampire..., but he doesn't show me pictures of his friends with gravestones after he has shot them. Maybe this is normal. But for real...Yikes! The school had said, perhaps there is something these two children are watching on TV that has encouraged this latest rash of gravestones and death. Makes sense to me; does anyone listen to PG-13 guidelines anymore? Did everyone forget that these kids are in first grade and perhaps don't need to watch adult shows with adult themes?! The recent remark of "when I was a kid" & about how 'every non-nancy boy' played with guns and we didn't end up killing each other... & how Amy is probably overreacting...unfortunately doesn't apply anymore. Or maybe 'they' are right & this was just a fluke. Maybe these boys were all just talking about killing each other, spilling their guts out, burying their friends and then setting the school on fire; that's probably it & I'm probably just overreacting. Regardless; I'm glad I called the school & I'm glad they are aware. God help me AND Sam if he starts drawing his friends dead, in the ground, and then setting fire to the scene of the crime.

the return of murphy & more

happy

days

are

here

again!

Somewhere in Phoenix there is a very proud grandma!

This past weekend we painted the TV cabinet...Madeline & Rob did a spectacular job!

Mommy with two babies in her tummy by Madeline...Kids say the darnedest things...right?!

Mommy? Yes Madeline? "When you push out those two babies in your tummy-can you push out the girl first?" Amy: Oh honey, mommy only has one baby in her tummy. M: Nope, you have two, so can you pahleeze push the girl out first? A: I'll try! We are trying not to remember that Rob's grandma is a twin...Next appointment is Feb 11th-thankfully with ultrasound!

Sam & friend Ethan whose mom by the way is '5 million times more awesome than me' painting during a sleepover this past weekend.

Madeline

is now officially

employed

at Sam's Diner. She was

an assistant with

a very sharp knife

cutting up spinach and

orange peppers. Little

did Sam know there
were healthy ingredients
tucked away in his

Exploding Taco-

HA!The exploding taco turned out spectacular! The boys didn't even notice the spinach & orange peppers...Rewind 4-5 months ago. Murphy, the dog who by description has velvety soft ears & can shake hands, succumbed to the deep lineage line of part pointer. A darting rabbit could not be resisted. Murphy ran & kept on running...reminiscent of Forrest Gump. When Murphy did not return we looked, we called, Sam wept and wept. We drove around town with Sam's head stuck out the window calling for Murphy. We went door-to-door, we called Vets...we had no luck. Weeks turned into months & we assumed that a nice family had taken pity on this nice floppy eared dog & he was surely happy. So we were shocked when the City of ST JOSEPH called with news that someone had found Murphy. It was a struggle to decide what to do next. Meanwhile we've taken in a crazy puppy & what if Murphy had a happy new home with new children he bonded with? When we talked to the family we found out this household included 6 adults with 5 dogs, they had him about a week. Sigh. Four of them were nice enough to drive Murphy home...the smell of illegal substances waifed out of the car doors as we welcomed home Murph. After a few days of detox...Murph will be back to normal :)...

Little brother's baby JD @ 3.5 months...he clearly is praying I fly out to see him again...soon!

Tiger vs. NoahBaker

As NoahBaker was reading his super awesome seek-n-find book this morning & Tiger decided she needed some attention. The dog was asleep so she seized the moment. In true cat-like-fashion she decided to stop on Noah's book. Noah greeted her, "Hi-ya Tiger! I'm reading a book! Help me find the chair!"

When she did not help Noah find the 'chair' and then decided to plop down... Noah looked at me. I was on the step; drinking coffee & watching it all unfold, so I looked at him back. "MommyYY!" I asked Noah what he thought he should do? Push Tiger away or ask her nicely to please move?

Turned out the combination was quite successful... :)

glasses = grandmas

NoahBaker put on the play glasses & said, "Look Mommy! Me look like Grandma Ellie!" That brought Madeline in on the conversation & then we started talking about all the grandmas who wear glasses...

Great Grandma & NoahBaker

Grandma Millie wears glasses

Grandma Ellie wears glasses...

Madeline wears glasses sometimes....

Mrs. Grandma Houghton wears glasses....

lyrics

Madeline wrote Sam a song over the weekend. First she was writing her lyrics on the computer, then she would pick up her guitar & strum along...finally she had Sam sit down & listen. I was instructed no photos until after she was done; it might distract her-indeed.

A picture of Madeline composing. She works better with Mommy's glasses...

hearts in my eyes

"Mommy? Me have hearts in my eyes for you" NoahBaker said yesterday morning & it was so awesome. Madeline had said that a few weeks ago, "Daddy, do you have hearts in your eyes when you see mommy?" It was the best. The answer...luckily... was yes. Sam's picture of 'Three Red Birds On a Branch In Winter' is now officially hanging above the fireplace. He feels like an "official artist" now. :)

1916-2009

Remembering Olen...1916-2009. It's hard not to have favorites at the nursing home; pictures from spring 2008.

He will be missed.

85 and counting...

Armed with my before picture and a smile I walked into the Community Center this morning for the Health Fair. Hopefully the word is out about what a great place Curves is to get fit!!! I know that I need daily inspiration with 60 pounds to go...but not having 85 feels pretty good.

damnit

Sam is on the couch telling one of his stories with his action hero figures; I pass by on my way to the kitchen. He is talking, talking, talking & I hear "damnit". I stop, turn around, "what did you say Sam?" I knew perfectly well he would repeat it, I was just buying time...thinking thinking thinking...."damnit" he says, straight face. Amy-Sam, you know that's a bad word right? Sam-Yeah, but I'm telling a story. Amy-It's still a bad word. Sam-But we are inside. Amy-Okay, these are the words you cannot say, inside-outside-or in any story you are telling: Damnit, Hell & Shit, got it? Sam-okay mommy. And on he went with his story. SIGH.Madeline decided to get married. She got on her wedding clothes, told all of us we could come & then Rob told her she wasn't allowed to get married...ever ever ever! She came over & talked some sense into him. It was sweet...Madeline is Hannah Montana, she is totally rocking out the show in her new gear.Meanwhile Miss Madeline has had so many outfit changes today I had to start taking pictures of her wardrobe choices...it is so fun being 4!